Preparing your toddler for a new baby
By: zoey
TAGS: kids motherhood parenting siblings
Ever since I found out I was pregnant I’ve been preparing my toddler for the new baby, knowing that it’s a big change for our family. And although she knows there is a baby in my belly, working out how much she actually comprehends about that is hard. Her interest has changed over the course of the pregnancy as well. When I was first pregnant she liked to point out what clothes were for the baby and now, six weeks before I’m due, if we talk about the baby she always responds in one way: “I’m the baby”. And I always respond the same way: “You’ll always be my baby.”
My toddler is still my baby
The problem with getting your toddler ready for the arrival of a little brother or sister is that, deep down, you still think of the toddler as a baby. Or at least I do. She’s my baby. My only baby. But I know that it’s all about to change rather quickly once the new baby arrives, and to a lesser extent so does she. She senses it. As we draw closer to the due date, there is baby stuff everywhere. New things she can’t play with and an ever-expanding belly and ever diminishing lap to remind her of what’s ahead.
Plus, she’s vulnerable, I can see that. She wants to be carried everywhere. She wakes more often at night. She collapses into tears over things that wouldn’t ordinarily bother her. And her tantrums have kicked into high gear. Her whole world seems out of control right now and I can see her trying her very best to control every tiny little detail in order to cope with her anxiety and gain back some of her equilibrium.
Introducing the idea of a new baby
I have talked to her about the new baby as often as I can throughout the pregnancy and although she doesn’t always understand, there are some things that she does. She knows that there is a baby in my belly. She knows that she’s going to have a baby brother or sister. And she likes to listen to the baby on a regular basis. Instead of focusing on the ‘new baby’, I’ve focused on her as being a sister. And as we talked more about it she became more interested in babies in general and she chose a baby doll which she can carry around, rock and feed.
Attention, and lots of it
It’s tempting to think that because I’ll soon be in the middle of newborn sleep deprivation that she is going to have to get used to less attention, but we’re not there yet. And for now, she needs a lot of love, care, attention and understanding. And as much as pregnancy-exhaustion permits I give it to her. She likes to pretend to be a baby still, and I don’t discourage that either. But I do encourage her to relate to other babies as much as possible.
Prepare your toddler for a new baby sooner, not later
I started potty training her a while ago. I knew that it would be difficult to focus on once the baby was born and I hope that because she will have been fully day trained for several months before the baby arrives, she’s less likely to have a full-scale regression. We only just finished her new room. At 6 weeks out, ideally I’d have gotten to it sooner, so she didn’t feel like she was being moved around for the sake of the baby. But given the baby is unlikely to see the inside of their room for at least 3-6 months, it’s not something we really have to worry about.
Encourage independence when preparing your toddler for a new baby
I’ve been involving her in everything I do, as much as is possible and safe. And not just because she’s a fiercely independent little creature, absolutely bent on doing things her own way. The more I get her involved in day-to-day tasks, the more she’ll be able to help me with things for the baby, and the less excluded she will feel.
Allow for an adjustment period
Knowing in the back of my mind that it’s entirely possible that in spite of all my efforts she might regress for a period of time, will make it easier to cope with if it does happen. Sleep disturbances, toilet training regressions and behaviour issues are all very big possibilities.
Enjoy the adventure
And after all of that, all you can really do is hope that you’ve done your best and know that just like you already have a relationship with your new baby, your toddler does too. And if you happen to have a chatterbox toddler like mine? Well the new baby will probably recognise her voice before mine.
How did you prepare your toddler for a new baby? Was it a difficult adjustment for them or did they take it in their stride?
zoey
Zoey is the mother of a 2 year old and pregnant with a jellybean. In her former life she bought lots of handbags and an array of high heels. Now she lives in regional Australia and loves it, but still misses her shoes. Zoey blogs Good Goog
Showing 5 comments
Expecting a second baby may get your elder child feel neglected, in order to avoid such situations let the child know that he has to welcome brother or sister, engage him in new baby activities so that he do not feel alone and deserted.
For me, part of preparing my toddler for her baby sister's arrival has been preparing myself for anything - days where she'll not want her sister, days where she'd love her sister, days where she'd act out, days where she'd be great, and the fact that it was all going to happen around the onset of the "terrible 2s".
Her sister arrived a week ago today, the day before my toddler's 2nd birthday. So for a start, we didn't prepare a huge party just in case she ended up disappointed (that party's on tomorrow now we all back at home). I also put off intensive potty training, knowing that so much was going to change as it was, given she was being moved to a new class at childcare the same week.
At her age, I wasn't sure she would comprehend what was to happen so we only introduced her to the idea of a sibling at my 28 week ultrasound. I then bought books ("We Have A Baby", "A House Inside my Mummy" and "I'm a Big Sister Now") which she subsequently chose for us to read often. We gave her a baby dolly and, along with her bigger dolly, talked about the concept of "baby sister" and "big sister". I also talked about two of her friends at childcare who were sisters about 2 years apart. I also pointed out "mummy's big belly" and reminded and asked her who was in there. But I also backed off if I sensed she wasn't interested in any of the above.
It is indeed a juggle even in our 1st week of living this reality. I would love to sleep in if bub is asleep but just so I get to spend some quality time with my toddler, I've gotten up and made sure I'm with her as she gets ready for childcare. I have made extra effort to be patient with a few tantrums, if I sense they are about her struggle with the changes at home. Hopefully sleep deprivation doesn't deplete my patience too much!
I totally agree with two great points from above. My toddler did look HUGE that 1st day she walked into the hospital to see me. And that feeling I had looking and cuddling both my girl's really was a mother's love truly multiplied.
I'm sure there are more challenges to come but I plan on taking it moment-by-moment.
Good luck Zooey!
Great tips here Zoey!
Wait until your toddler walks in for the first time after the baby is born...she'll look HUGE!
It's a juggle some days. I made sure that when I sat down to feed, I'd have books or puzzles or the like at hand for my eldest (then 23 months) to look at/do on the couch beside me. As long as he had some of my attention, he was happy!
My second son was born in the warmer months, so sometimes I'd sit on the front porch and feed him, and give my eldest a bucket full of water with some food colouring in it, some bath toys and told him to go pick flowers and leaves in the front yard to put in to it. He loved that, and kept him amused the whole feed!
Involving them helps (they can fetch nappies, clothes for feeding, clothes etc).
It's hard to explain to the young toddlers that you can't give them your attention 24/7 - with kids 3+ that's a little easier (as I found between my 2nd and 3rd sons who are almost 3yrs apart). But they survive!
x
My first child was five years old when I fell pregnant with my son. Then, he was 13 months old when I got pregnant with their little sister.
I found the hardest thing was getting him to 'share' the baby with his big sister, LOL! He would get angry if his big sister tried to talk to my pregnant belly, and push her away, saying, 'my baby!'
I found my daughter who was five at the time I was pregnant was more open to talk about the pregnancy more often, than a toddler. I kept it basic for my toddler son, and gave him plenty of breaks from talking about it, because it was an abstract concept. It's a lot of pressure if it's in their face all the time, I think.
Once the babies came along, my daughter who was five at the time struggled mostly with the fact that the baby wasn't a girl, and my son, when we had a new baby was mostly pretty good. He loved helping, and hugging her, but he did get sooky when I breastfed, and wanted to try to climb on and have a try too.
No matter what their age, the older siblings always look like giants when you bring a new baby home!
When I was pregnant with my second child, it did not even occur to me that my toddler could feel jealous of the new baby or of my attention. It was only when another Mum mentioned it, way after my second child was born, that I gave it a fleeting thought. I guess this kept me in good stead as I just treated the pregnancy as a normal, and very happy part of life, and in turn, my toddler accepted this truth as well. This has followed through with every subsequent pregnancy. Sure there have been adjustment times, just like any family change or event, but a new baby has always been surrounded by so much joy here.
Preparation is a great idea and these tips are excellent Zoey. Exciting times for you and your family!
I think it's true: A mother's love doesn't divide, it multiplies.