Staying sane as a stay at home mum
By: nicole
TAGS: energy household time tips
After my first child was born I was privileged enough to make the choice between staying at home or returning to the paid work force.
I did head back to work four days a week between my first and second sons but, once my second child was born, decided the stay-at-home gig was the one for me. So I have been what is called a Stay-At-Home Mum for over 8 years now… Where did that time go???
I really do love being at home with the kids, but there are days when I do imagine myself leaving the house instead of my husband, and heading into the very grown up world of a city office for 8 hours.
More specifically I imagine myself having lunch in peace, going to the toilet on my own and listening to my iPod for 30 minutes uninterrupted!
There are some very repetitive and pretty dull aspects of staying home with the kids that, without intervention, can take its toll on my happiness levels.
I’m not saying the choice to stay at home is harder than returning to work because, along with my imaginings outlined above, I know too well the reality of the juggle and the stress that goes along with leaving the house for paid work.
All jobs can get you down sometimes or make you feel like you’re going a little crazy. For me, my job is that of a stay-at-home-mum and sometimes I can find it a little tough.
But over the years I have worked out that there are certain things I can do – things to help keep me sane and happy while I am at home.
Conversation
Adult conversation is the thing you can miss most as a stay at home mum. Finding other women who are also at home has been a crucial part of me staying sane.
With a partner who can leave the house at 7am and not return until 7pm, 5 days a week, that’s a lot of time just talking to little people. While they are funny and have moments of great insight, they can’t replace my need for conversing with adults.
Attending playgroups, toddler activity sessions and then kinder and school are all places where I have met wonderful women. But this network didn’t miraculously just appear; it did take time and requires effort.
I make sure I spend time investing in these relationships, organising catch ups, calling, supporting and helping others so that I can receive similar in return.
Taking Short Cuts
I have a number of short cuts up my sleeve when it all gets a bit crazy at my house. Short cuts like:
- I may have planned to cook a meal, but there are those days where it all falls apart and I serve the kids pasta and cheese. They love it and lack of veggies for one meal won’t kill them.
- Hang the kids’ school uniforms neatly on the clothes horse, so they don’t need to be ironed.
- Have a secret stash of VIVA Glass & Mirror Wipes – so I can always just quickly wipe the hundreds of finger marks off windows and mirrors in a hurry if needed.
Short cuts like these achieve the necessary end result, but with much less effort. It helps take the pressure off on days when I might be feeling worn down, tired or just a little bit cranky.
Getting Out Of Home, Better Still, the Local Area
I could go for a few weeks doing the school runs, the after-school activities, the week end sport, household errands and find I have actually only moved around the local suburbs in about a 5km radius.
For me, there is something refreshing about getting out of my local area and having a real change of scenery. Some people might head to the beach or out to the country, but my heart is in the inner city, so I will head to some of my favourite places like Bridge Road or Brunswick Street. The change of pace is not only invigorating for me, but the kids enjoy it too.
Exercise
I have actually become fitter with each child I’ve had and there is a very simple explanation as to why this has occurred.
With each child, the incentive to get to the gym for an hour on my own has increased! Having an hour out to myself three times a week allows me to clear my head and refresh my attitude.
Having 5 little people depending on you 24/7 can become quite taxing. I always find, when I come back from exercising, I have a much better attitude and respond better to the kids.
Time As A Couple
Being the mother is just one of my roles and I need to make sure I spend time on another role – that of a partner. It’s important to spend time together as a couple, to nourish our relationship.
This doesn’t mean that we have to go out to do this, it can be done just as easily at home (but if it is in a swanky bar with a G&T in hand, even better!) I’m conscious of ensuring we also have conversations that are about things other than the kids. It can be very easy to only talk about the kids, because there is always just so much to discuss.
Discussing what each other is interested in and what we both enjoy helps to balance out all the talk about trains, dogs and the school-yard that can make up most of my day.
Being Optimistic
It can be easy for me to take things too seriously. Making a conscious effort to see the brighter side of things has really helped me keep it together when things start to go wrong.
So, the toddler may have just vomited on the freshly steam-cleaned carpets, the preschooler may have just gone into melt down because he can’t get his own way and I may already be 5 minutes late for school pick up… but it could be worse. The toddler could have vomited in the car, on the preschooler, on the way to school!
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What do you do to keep yourself sane in your current job?
nicole
Nicole is the mother to five gorgeous children aged from 11 to 1. She is slightly obsessed with to-do lists, spreadsheets, music and playing with her kids. You can also find her blogging at Planning With Kids, where she shares ideas to help put organisation into the happy chaos that is a family with young children.
Showing 6 comments
Please share I have 4 kids and when they are all home together it often seems like a battle ground. I tell them that they are going to take me away because I have gone insane, but that simply requires more explanations!
Thankfully I have a great friend who had gone through the same struggle. And she shared with me the break through that had helped her survive with four children at home.
It is definitely the time of year to get creative with short cuts!
On days were the kids seem that they just can't get along, I make them find their own space inside or outside and have time away from each other. That or physical activity, get them all outside and go for a run or ride their bikes, I have found to be really helpful with my boys.
How do you cope when the kids don' stop fighting all day?
I am glad to hear that you take short cuts too. This time of the year I am on constant short cut mode :)