What is quality time?

By: kelly

TAGS: children games kids parenting time saving

When someone says "quality time”, an image automatically comes to my mind. The picture I think of is reading a bedtime story with a child. Reading together is an absolutely wonderful way to spend quality time with a child but I have to admit, in reality, reading to my own children before bed is not ideal. First: I’m usually tired. Second: the kids are usually tired. My children and I continue to enjoy bedtime stories, but tired-plus-tired is not the best combination I can think of in terms of quality time.

Today’s society is time driven and prone to compartmentalisation. There is work-time, reading-time, eating-time, play-time, sleep-time, me-time, quality-time and any other “time” you can think of. This is not necessarily a negative thing. However, sometimes, in the effort to create quality time, it can be lost. I’ve come to understand quality time as being an attitude of connection rather than a quantifiable measure.

Finding quality time

I break the concept of quality time down into these three areas: dedicated attention, everyday activities and something special.

Dedicated attention:

This is when you take the time to stop, listen and feel; thus allowing connection.

• Stop: Stop what you are doing. No multi-talking now ladies.
• Listen: Listen to what your child is saying or feeling. This includes non-verbal communication.
• Feel: Allow an emotional connection.

This type of quality time is when you are actually there when you are there. You know? When your mind and your attention is on your child rather than what’s for dinner. It only needs to be for a moment. And ta-da! You did some quality time! The stop-listen-feel concept takes some practice and, personally, it has made a huge difference to my relationships.

An example
Say in an average day you spend at least 6 hours per day with your child from the moment they wake up until they go to sleep. If you dedicate 5 minutes for every hour to stop, listen and feel that would equate to 30 minutes of quality time a day.

This may be when you take a moment to look deeply into your child’s eyes or talk to them about their day. It may take one minute or five minutes but is a continuous thing.

Stop—Listen—Feel. Math: 30 minutes a day x 7 days = 3.5 hours a week

Everyday activities:

This is when you share an everyday experience with another person. Do you:

• Hang out the washing while your toddler pulls the clothes out of the basket?
• Take your child shopping and talk about the colours of the fruit?
• Have your child sitting on the kitchen bench, nibbling on a carrot, while you prepare dinner?
• Eat dinner together as a family?
• Read bedtime stories?

These are all examples of quality time in the form of everyday activities. I believe there’s a distinction between doing everyday activities and sharing everyday activities. My typical day includes both.

An example

• Doing an everyday activity: “Johnny, put your shoes on now because we need to go out.”
• Sharing an everyday activity: Mum sits down with Johnny while they both put their shoes on to go out. “Come mate, let’s put our shoes on so we can go out. Ready. Set. Go!”

Sometimes I do one and sometimes I do the other, depending on my day. However, the times when I share an activity with my child, I feel a special connection; otherwise known as quality time. So, I look for opportunities to do this when I can.

Share everyday activities. Math: 1 hour x 7 days = 7 hours per week

Something Special:

This category includes intentional dedicated time spent doing something a little out of the ordinary. For example:

• Going to a park
• Eating out
• Visiting a museum
• Playing outdoor games together in the back yard
• Going on a picnic
• Family holidays

An example
On weekends, our family endeavours to do something special to break up the week. Even something as simple as playing the game red rover can be a highlight of our weekend.

Do something special. Math: 1 hour per week

I could have unwittingly missed the quality-time opportunities but look at the stats here:

Activity	Hours per week
Direct attention	3.5
Sharing an activity	7.0
Something special	1.0
Total Quality Time Per Week	11.5

This amount will vary according to the many variables of life but that’s the point: life is changeable so if quality time isn’t woven into the mix, it becomes lost.

My definition of quality time has changed. It’s not cramming 10 minutes at the end of the day or doing a one-hour special activity every week. Rather it has changed to be an attitude of connecting with my child – throughout my day, throughout the ins and outs of life. Quality time is an attitude of connection, not a quantifiable measure. I realised I was looking for quality time but it was always there for the taking – I just didn’t acknowledge it.

I’d be fascinated to know: what image do you think of in relation to quality time?

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