Starting school: a mum’s perspective
By: kelly
TAGS: Back to School Starting School
Holding my arms parallel on the steering wheel, I lowered my head between them and cried. Part of my life was over. I felt like I held a small bird in my hands, one that I tended, taught and loved since birth. Then, lifting my arms high, I let the bird fly out of my palms and into the blue sky. It was so beautiful, yet so full of danger and uncertainty. I’m talking about my daughter’s first day of school.
Now, one should suppose that starting school is a big step for a child. This is true. However, it’s also a BIG deal for mum. Well, it was for me.
As I sat in the car crying (after I dropped my daughter to school), a myriad of concerns flooded my mind:
• Will she have friends?
• Will she run out of the school grounds on to the road?
• Will she have a toileting accident?
• Will she even know where the toilets are?
• Will she be kidnapped?
• Will people care for her? Like her?
• Will she be bullied?
• Is she emotionally ready?
• Have I taught her enough life skills?
• Have I done enough? Have I done enough? Have I done enough?
These thoughts almost compelled me to run back to the classroom, grab my little girl in her oversized uniform, pull her into my arms, and take her home again. You see, up to this point, I was mostly responsible for nurturing my child. I was her world. I adored her. I raised her. There’s something about letting a big part of that go that is absolutely terrifying! However, it was time for my daughter to try her wings.
Every Mum wants her little bird to fly. It’s what we strive for. We want our kids to become mature, functioning adults, capable of making good choices for themselves. But for me, when it came to the letting go part, I felt torn. I wanted to celebrate, and yet a part of me needed to grieve – and also worry.
I’ve done the “first day of school” three times now and cried (out of my child’s sight) every time. I’m not someone who is prone to crying but leaving my child at a new place, with new people, gets me deep down.
Here are 5 things that have personally helped me, and my child, take this first step of independence.
1. It’s their job
On the first day of school, parents instil a huge amount of trust in their child’s teacher. It’s reassuring to know that it’s a teacher’s job to care for and educate our children. Remember and trust they know what they are doing.
2. Make yourself known
The first day of school is not the right time to have a lengthy conversation with your child’s teacher. However, a quick introduction can set your mind at ease. If there are particular issues you want to cover with your child’s teacher, make an appointment at the earliest convenience.
3. If your child cries
Leaving your child crying on the first day of school is heartbreaking. I know, because I’ve done it. My eldest daughter embraced school like she did most things – with open arms. However, when it came for my second daughter to attend school, it was a disaster. The teacher had to pry her off my leg! It was horrible. Here are some tips to help you both deal with first day of school tears.
• Prepare: Be positive about school as you prepare your child for their first day. Continue focusing on the fun parts of school each day and celebrate any artwork brought home.
• Assure: Tell them you love them and will be back for them.
• Leave: Usually, there is a settling time where parents can stay at the school to read books or play puzzles. I enjoyed this time with my daughter but if I drew out the goodbyes when it was time to go, it was worse for all involved. I found it best to leave quickly to allow the teacher to do their job.
• Check: Leaving my daughter crying was heart wrenching. I didn’t torture myself all day wondering if she was distraught but phoned the classroom after 30 minutes to see how she was. She had settled in beautifully. To this day, my crying child is the one who enjoys school the most out of all my children.
• Address: Address any fears the child has. If the child continues to cry every day for a long period and you’re concerned, talk to the child’s teacher to find out where you can get further assistance.
4. Have someone to talk to
Talking or catching up with a friend for coffee after I dropped my child to school was reassuring. Moral support goes a long way. Chat to mums going through or have been through a similar experience.
5. Grieve and celebrate
I gave myself permission to feel sad and experience the sense of loss. I also celebrated the fact that my daughter had the opportunity to take another step towards independence.
It was a bittersweet moment watching my daughter walk through the gate on the first day of school. I felt so very proud of her, and yet I felt sad that I would no longer be the centre of her world. My little bird was learning to fly.
Did you feel sad sending your child to school? What concerns do you have about your child starting school?
kelly
Kelly Burstow combines her passion for design, children's books, photography, fashion, writing and parenting in her blog, Be A Fun Mum. Be A Fun Mum is all about reclaiming the enjoyment of parenting, one moment at a time. Kelly lives in Queensland with her husband, four children and far too many guinea pigs.
Showing 14 comments
You're right: There are such mixed feelings! So next year you won't have any children home with you? That's the next thing for me... xx
HA! Yes, I remember that too. My eldest daughter was SO ready for school to. Ella will love it I'm sure... Sometimes they cope better than Mum!
High school is the next thing for me too. They are thinking about bringing the year for high school down to year 7...I can understand why they are doing this but they are still babies!!
I'm sure the anxiety is such a real thing when you are sending a child to school with health issues (especially like what you mention and also peanut allergies etc.) What advice would you give to parents who have children with very special needs starting school?
LOL My sister is a teacher too, and she always says parenting and teacher are two very different things. I say, it's okay to cry...and be sad...but they really do okay without us (who would have thought?)
Your last baby is going to school? Mine will go the year after next...it's a whole new phase of life isn't it *sob sob*
I am crying already!! :) My second daughter goes off to school next year and that feeling of letting go is already sinking in my stomach. A mixture of feelings, happy, sad and pride! I will miss her just as much as I miss my eldest.
Thank you for a wonderful post Kelly! xx
Great post, Kell. Princess Ella starts school next year and she wants to start NOW! We had a parent interview a month ago and she got to sit with the teacher and play games, while we spoke to the principal. We left her in the room while we toured the school. When we returned she told us we could go now and that she'd be OK to stay! So hard to explain to her that school doesn't start until next year.
Funnily, today I started Baby Holly in childcare and that's been harder. We only went for an hour orientation, but she clung to me like you wouldn't believe. She's quite shy, whereas Ella is rather outgoing!
Whilst both my 'babies' Miss 11-teen and Mr 7 are both well into their school-lives, I enjoyed reading this very informative read and have forwarded it to a girlfriend whose 2nd is starting school next year. Very informative and brought back many memories for me...I'm so sappy that tears are welling (happy tears as I tell my babies). I may have to put some of this into practice next year as Miss 11-teen ventures into highschool - she has already told me that I'm not allowed to be with her on her first day if I'm going to cry :(
Starting school for my youngest child was supposed to be a joyous and momentous occasion. Sadly this post has bought up alot of sadness for me. I had envisaged my daughter trotting off to school with her freshly pressed uniform, sweet ribbons tied in her piggytails and catching up with all her kindergarten friends. Yes I worried about her settling in and being looked after....then my whole world fell apart on Xmas eve when she was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes...life as we then knew it seemed complex but now I see how simple and carefree it was. Taking my daughter on her first day of Prep filled me with dread of another kind....was she going to hypo...were the teachers on the ball with her diabetes education...would there be an ambulance at the school when I go there...the panic in me when the school rang...would she eat all her lunch....be checked before and after sport...let alone get to school on time after doing blood sugar checks, insulin injections and making sure the correct amount and type of food was consumed for breakfast? Was she going to ridiculed and bullied for being that little bit 'differen't. Sure I drove home from school those first few weeks bawling my eyes out....I still have my moments even though she has settled in beautifully. Those feeling of angst of a child starting prep is what mothers of children with a chronic illness experience every day. Sorry for my rant, be grateful and yes tell them you love them and a hug says a 1000 words and yes they will be OK :)
This will be me in 2014. Not looking forward to it. hmmm Home schooling? I fear when Miss Three starts preschool next term i will be the Mummy in the survellience van outside with my binoculars. And to think for 18 years I was the teacher entrusted with the children of all the other Mummies! And I taught Kinder for 7 years so I was the teacher prising the child from the Mummy then comforting and loving them as i would my own child. I know my little bird needs to fly but i wish i could freeze time and keep her safely in the nest for longer!
Love this post, Kel. Annabelle is my youngest and she starts BIG school next year. She's already so excited because her sister will be there for one more year before going to highschool. Doesn't matter that I've had 4 kids start school before her, I'm in tears just reading your post. Goodness knows what I'll be like when she starts!
Yeah Lisa, my kids were REALLY tired, especially for the first couple of weeks of school. It's amazing how fast they adjust though. And I love the Prep (in QLD the year before year 1) program. It's play based and a great transition year.
Ohh great blog,
My little guy starts 'BIG' school next year and just had his first hour on friday, he is an out there kid and i didnt have any problems leaving him as, a few mums from his pre school organised to have them all there on the same day etc. Im more worried about going from 3 days a week to 5 days! My son is 5 yrs old but small for his age, I think 'BIG' school might knock him for 6 in the first 6 months........all joys of growing up :)) xx